This week, a resurfaced video of Donald Trump’s running mate, J. D. Vance, calling childless cat ladies like me miserable and uncaring went viral, making me more concerned than I already was about what my life might be like under an administration so hostile to women’s sexual, reproductive, and pet-related choices. But then another viral story about Vance humping furniture (which turned out not to be true, surprisingly) made me realize, even if it would be too dangerous to have sex with men, and probably illegal to have sex with anyone else, maybe if they win, things wouldn’t be so bad after a ..read more

“Will Chamberlain, a conservative lawyer who worked on Ron DeSantis’s presidential campaign, posted on X that Harris ‘shouldn’t be President’ because she doesn’t have biological children; ‘becoming a step-parent to older teenagers doesn’t count,’ he said." —New York Times, 07/23/2024 - - - 1. Integrating into a structure with a history that began way before you ever came on the scene. 2. Finding the balance between respecting time-honored traditions, and having the courage to create new ones. 3. Winning over the members of the house whose objections can be loud, and sometimes downright offensi ..read more

Though her family sometimes received food stamps and occasionally had their utilities cut off, Marcie Alvis Walker’s parents led her to believe that they were an average middle-class Black family. They encouraged her to pursue her dreams and told her that if she worked hard enough, she’d achieve them. The small catch was that Walker’s dream was an elusive one for any cash-strapped and undereducated Black woman: being a New York Times–bestselling author. Now, as a published non-bestselling author, she wishes she’d had a backup plan. - - - Last night, I wanted to slap a dude’s face off because h ..read more

One hundred-meter breaststroke for computers, one giant leap for mankind. We at OpenlyBadAI are thrilled to debut our most awesome leap yet in artificial intelligence: the first-ever AI Olympians. If you’ve been on the fence about AI, get ready to have your mind blown watching our AI Olympians sprint, swim, and vault exactly like humans. And the best part is now we can live our lives while these computers get the Olympics over with. Why AI? Why now? Looking ahead to Paris 2024, we asked ourselves, “How can we improve this once-in-a-lifetime achievement that people all over the globe spend thei ..read more

We are so proud to be publishing your masterpiece. We want this book to be huge. We want the face of every commuter buried in its pages. We want every e-reader in America to glow with it. To make this happen, preorder sales are essential. We have to spread the word! But you already knew all of this, right? I hope you’ve been hard at work for months getting the pre-sales lined up. The earlier you can get those sales, the better. Embed that call to action every chance you get. After all, the preorders aren’t going to sell themselves, and those preorders are a must. In fact, many of our best auth ..read more

Sorry, everybody, I hate to be that guy, but what’s going on with the apocalypse orgy? It’s happening, right? Do we have any more details about it, or are we just going into this whole doomsday orgy thing completely off the cuff? Seriously, what are the logistics behind the apocalypse orgy? Look, I know everyone’s in favor of having one massive, horrifying doomsday orgy in the last precious moments before our planet becomes completely uninhabitable. But I just think that we, as a group, have to be realistic and realize that a truly great doomsday orgy isn’t going to happen overnight. In scienc ..read more

You are using 85 percent of your Google storage. If you don’t upgrade soon, you will lose the ability to receive emails and upload new photos. Click here to upgrade. - - - You are using 87 percent of your Google storage. If you don’t upgrade soon, you will lose the ability to receive emails, upload new photos, and experience joy. Click here to upgrade. - - - You are using 90 percent of your Google storage. If you don’t upgrade soon, you will lose the ability to receive emails, upload new photos, experience joy and experience sadness. You might think never experiencing sadness again sounds grea ..read more

Dining Room High Top Even Higher Top Low Top (normal chairs around a coffee table) Bar Seating Outdoor (sidewalk) Outdoor (back patio) Outdoor (overgrown garden that’s a breeding ground for mosquitoes) Table in Striking Distance from Pool Table The Pool Table Table in Collision Path of Swinging Door Doug’s Table (Doug will be joining you) “The Murder Table” Table Under AC Vent Table Over AC Vent Table Both Under and Over AC Vents Hostess Table (you will have to seat other patrons) Table That’s Sopping Wet for Some Reason (not water) Card Table with Dogs Playing Poker Table Next to Unsettling P ..read more

“MAGA Republicans are subjecting Vice President Kamala Harris to a barrage of racist and sexist attacks as she has stormed out in front as the likely 2024 nominee…GOP Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee said that “100 percent, she was a DEI hire” insisting of Biden’s choice of Harris: “When you go down that route, you get mediocrity.” — Rolling Stone, 7/22/24 - - - With Joe Biden dropping out of the race, Vice President Kamala Harris is now the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party. As a conservative, it’s clear to me that Harris is a DEI hire who hasn’t earned the credentials necessary to b ..read more

Attention: If you’re a single man over thirty making at least $150,000 a year but you’re ashamed of your pestos and bouquets garnis, stop what you’re doing and register for my twelve-part video program. In just six short months, I will turn you into a black-belt-certified fresh herbs master. I want to be very clear: this video series is specifically for well-off divorced fathers who post angry truck selfies to Facebook. Do your under-seasoned canapes consistently disappoint horny wine moms? If so, over the next minute, learn why men like you need a radically disruptive mindset to become an omn ..read more