ENJOYMENT of a man’s Prague stag do has been drastically reduced by the presence of the groom-to-be’s father, guests have confirmed ..read more

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ATHLETES in Paris’s Olympic village are spending their evenings engaged in sexual congress which they see as a physical endurance challenge ..read more

THE futility of Britain’s decision to leave the EU has been exposed by a little tethered bottle cap you get annoyed about on a daily basis ..read more

EVERYONE hates asking people to move out of your reserved seat. Luckily there is established etiquette for this challenging social situation. Follow these steps to the letter ..read more

THE opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Paris will be so obsessed with France and French national identity that Britain will go unmentioned, fans fear ..read more

GETTING it on with a hot stranger only to be faced with their dead grandma staring back at you? Here are some more tats guaranteed to put you off your stroke. Their ex’s name It’s not about jealousy, it’s that it proves they’re the kind of absolute idiot who thinks permanently inscribing someone else’s name on their body is a good idea. And you’re having sex with them. How humiliating. Hitler This one is both a f**king idiot and a fascist. Not a winning combination. A portrait of granny Want to see granny smiling beatifically back at you when you strip someone’s shirt off? No, not even in badl ..read more

THE same old twats who sullied the last few Conservative leadership races are once again entering this one. Even though the UK did everything possible to get rid of every Tory it could, even going so far as to elect 72 Lib Dems, sickeningly familiar names like ‘Tom Tugendhat’ and ‘Priti Patel’ are nonetheless being floated in the media. Helen Archer of Hinckley said: “Oh, for f**k’s sake. Can we not get some new bellends? “James Cleverly? Robert Jenrick? Are these not just a collection of people who have very recently spectacularly failed? Why would anybody want to reward them? “Okay, we’ve lo ..read more

BOOKING a holiday was easy and the flight was painless, but now your dysfunctional relationship is about to be tested to the limit by spending time together. Here’s how to avoid disaster. Have a conversation If you don’t talk much these days, a holiday provides new topics so you can at least do an impression of a happy, talkative couple. Try: what time the hotel stops serving breakfast, the date of the Moorish occupation of the Iberian Peninsula, how the f**k the hotel room lights work. Admittedly they’re all quite dull, but on the upside when you finally work out how to turn the main light of ..read more

A WOMAN is trying to work out whether she is embracing the ‘brat summer’ vibe, or if her shambolic life is simply spiralling out of control. 31-year-old Nikki Hollis has noticed that her disorganised existence has lots in common with the viral movement promoted by Charli XCX’s latest album, but cannot tell if the similarities are purely coincidental. She said: “I used to think I was self-destructing in slow motion. It turns out there’s a chance I’ve been embodying the youthful spirit of 2024 all along. Which would be a relief. “That would mean that numbing my constant anxiety with a live-in-th ..read more