
FMyLife
1,414 FOLLOWERS
My life sucks but I don't give a fuck
FMyLife
34m ago
Today, my husband discovered our neighbour's fence was over our property line by 6 feet and kicked up a fuss about moving the fence. It turns out my husband can’t measure for shit. The fence is actually inside the neighbour's property, and he insisted we move it. There is now no room to park my car. FML ..read more
FMyLife
4h ago
Today, I was walking down the hallway at work when I saw a coworker I hadn't talked to in a while. I went for a high-five as a friendly greeting, but she didn’t see me coming and instead awkwardly grabbed my hand like she was about to hold it. We both froze for a second, and then awkwardly sighed and practically ran away. FML ..read more
FMyLife
5h ago
Today, my entitled brother-in-law called me unannounced as I was having lunch and asked if I had food for him and his wife. I said, "The food I have at home will only be enough for my husband." Now I'm the villain for not cooking enough for sudden unexpected mealtime visitors. FML ..read more
FMyLife
12h ago
Today, I realized that after years of watching Hentai I can only ejaculate while hearing Anime voices. FML ..read more
FMyLife
15h ago
Today, I bought the girl I like concert tickets for our favorite artist, who is usually never in our town, for her birthday. She said, “No thanks, I have to work that day.” She works Monday-Friday. The concert is on Saturday. When I mentioned this, she asked me, “So, what did you think of the Super Bowl halftime show?” FML ..read more
FMyLife
17h ago
Today, the man I've been with for ten years left me for a coworker he's known for three months. FML ..read more
FMyLife
18h ago
Today, I was on a long-haul flight, desperately trying to sleep. My husband next to me started snoring so loudly, I swear he was vibrating the seat. In a dazed, half-asleep state, I leaned over and hissed, “Shut up!” It wasn’t him. It was the guy next to him. He woke up and looked at me like I was the problem. FML ..read more
FMyLife
23h ago
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML ..read more
FMyLife
1d ago
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML ..read more
FMyLife
1d ago
Today, it's Valentine's Day. I wanted to set the mood by decorating. I guess the projectile vomit I've been spewing all morning will have to do. FML ..read more