For some reason, today I decided to pull up the ol' blog and see if it still worked (or if I could even still access it).   Looks like it still does (and clearly, I still can). Every now and again, I still have an experience or story that makes me think, "This is some Officer Smith shit right here!" In the current times, it's really not very "career safe" to post on these things anymore.  At least not like I used to.  But, if anyone cares after all these years, I'm still kickin'.   I'm still working.  I still love the job and wouldn't trade it for anything.&n ..read more

Just a quick note to the fuck-knuckle I stopped for speeding today... You can tell me you hope bad things befall me.  You can call me all the names you want.  That is a wonderful aspect of our United States Constitution.  It allows you to be as big of a loud-mouthed asshole as you choose to be.  As long as you don't make threats or try to incite a fight, you can talk all damned day. The key here is, if I can't convince you intellectually to accept responsibility for your mistake, whether because you choose not to or you're unable, I will see to it that you take fiscal res ..read more

I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape when I ask them to keep their hands out of their pockets. I always get responses like "I ain't got nothin'", "Why?" or "Whatchu think I'm gonna do?" I don't ask folks to keep their hands out of their pockets just for shits and giggles. I ask it because I haven't searched them and have no idea what they may have in their pockets.  I ask this simple task for my safety and theirs. I don't ask some people and not others. I ask everyone to keep their hands out of their pockets until I have at least patted them down. I don't care if you ..read more

I know I am fortunate to have the things I do.  I have my wife and my family.  I have a roof over my head, and food on my table.  I am able to clothe my kids.  I have the job I always wanted.  I am living the dream. Even though I ramble on about how people irk me by their ignorance, I am not a negative person.  Even though I sound like a grouch on this blog, that is not the only side of me.  It's just the side of me that tends to come out here. So, don't think you know me just by what you read here.  This is only one small part of my life.  Rememb ..read more

Those of you who have been with me for a while (Thank You!) will remember this little gem I penned back in 2009.  It's been a long time and I wanted to post it again. ========================== 'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the town Not a cretin was stirring Except for one clown The citizens were nestled All snug in their beds Not a thought of this criminal Passed through their heads As Santa and his reindeer Flew away after leaving Some gifts for the kiddies Our clown started thieving When he tripped on the lawnmower There arose such a clatter But no one was awake ..read more

So, today the firearms instructor in me comes out. I was out to lunch with Moose when several Happy Knoll PD Detectives walked by us, as evidenced by the badges and holsters they were wearing with their shirts and ties. One Detective in particular stood out to my trained eyes, as my keen powers of observation noticed the location of her spare magazine. It was on her right hip, behind her holster.  I couldn't even find a picture of it online because it simply isn't done, so I had to take this pic to illustrate... Now give me second to go unfuck myself...  Ahhhh, that's better ..read more

I don't understand why, after I have stopped a driver, explained the violation, taken their license, registration and insurance, told them they were getting a citation, gone back and written the ticket, then reappeared at their door, some drivers will ask me with utter incredulity... "I'm getting a ticket?! Of course you are! Do you think I'm gonna tell you I'm giving you a ticket, go write it, then come back and say "April Fools!"? I'm beginning to think I mutter, or stutter, or am somehow unclear in my explanations to people, because this happens a lot ..read more

Many new ways have popped up recently for purchasing big ticket items.  You no longer have to go to Best Buy to buy that camera, or a car dealer to buy a car.  You can find great deals on Craigslist, NextDoor, Ebay and the myriad other apps and websites that handle such things. Then you contact the seller, set up a time and location to meet, and take a large amount of (usually) cash with you to an area you are not familiar with, to meet up with a stranger.  What's wrong with that? If you find yourself in the position of the buyer in such a transaction, there are some things yo ..read more

I will occasionally have reason to stop a driver in a company vehicle for a traffic violation.  More often than not, this leads to a statement from the driver similar to... "I'm going to get fired if you write me a ticket" My usual response to this is to ask "Whyzat?" Have you had a number of tickets in your company vehicle?  Are you on the verge of being fired for your unsafe driving practices?  Why on earth would your employer fire you if I write you a ticket? Sometimes the answer is "well, I'll have to ask for time off to handle the ticket".  And asking for time off ..read more

I've noticed an interesting dynamic in our motoring public lately. It all started when I was cruising behind a school bus in Smithville one recent fine morning.  I often do this so I can educate drivers when they fail to stop for the pretty flashing red lights and stop signs on the bus.  I got behind one of the smaller buses and followed for about three-quarters of a mile, then the driver turned on the amber flashers to indicate an upcoming stop.  These amber lights are a visual aid to drivers telling them the lights are going to start flashing red soon, much as the amber traff ..read more