Dean Ambrose wrestlemania Fans of professional wrestling were first thrilled, then disappointed, at last week’s WrestleMania event when the entrance music for The Shield played but Dean Ambrose never found his way to the ring. In true Shield fashion, Ambrose and Seth Rollins approached the ring not via the usual entrance ramp, but through the audience at Philadelphia’s Lincoln Field, but the enormity of the venue left Ambrose disoriented and walking in circles. Whereas Rollins launched a failed attack in the ring, Ambrose grew increasingly more agitated as he navigated an endless maze of chair ..read more

Professional wrestling organization AEW (American Extreme Wrestling) earned some of its highest viewership numbers in months by airing a grainy clip of a minor backstage kerfuffle among unprofessional coworkers, so the company has announced that it will stream a 24-hour live video of AEW personnel, no matter where they are. “We don’t want our fans to miss any of the stupid crap that these clowns do backstage,” said a wild-eyed AEW promoter Tony Khan during the 4th hour of a manic late-night press conference livecast from his backyard pool. “Behold my dancing monkeys!” Khan said the new streami ..read more

Vince McMahon, once the most powerful person in pro wrestling as head of WWE, has fallen on hard times since being hit with accusations of impropriety and is now selling autographed photos of himself at pro wrestling conventions. The former mogul is now selling glossy 8X10 photographs of himself for $20 (autographed for $40), and he is taking independent bookings as the evil Mr. McMann character (because “Mr. McMahon” is a copyright owned by WWE). McMahon even performed as “Doink the Clown” on an independent wrestling event last weekend in Tallahassee, earning three hot dogs and two handshakes ..read more

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) made the bombshell announcement today that last weekend’s WrestleMania event — the 40th incarnation of the annual spectacle — was the final WrestleMania ever. “It’s time for a change,” said new WWE honcho Paul Levesque, who inherited the company from his very naughty father-in-law Vince McMahon. “WrestleMania has run its course over 40 years and it’s time for us to retire that brand. It’s what’s best for business.” Levesque (real name Jean-Pierre Laflouffle) said the company will replace WrestleMania with “something even bigger and better,” and hinted that i ..read more

A pair of self-absorbed dimwits who held aloft a pair of giant cardboard head through the entirety of WWE WrestleMania are now suffering from debilitating diarrhea, according to the hopes and dreams of countless wrestling fans. The selfish twits — let’s call them Mulva Twatterson and Dingus McDump — are, if there is any justice in the world, currently trapped inside a cheap Philadelphia motel room, taking turns heaving and retching and doubled-over on the toilet, wondering what they did to deserve this. According to our dream scenario, the imbeciles ate some bad tacos after ruining WrestleMani ..read more

The drama continues to escalate in AEW, as sources reveal that CM Punk is claiming that AEW boss Tony Khan told Jack Perry about Tony Schiavone claiming The Young Bucks had “heat” with Kenny Omega or something. According to one backstage source at AEW, who asked to be identified only as Christian C., Khan learned from Punk that Omega overheard the Young Bucks (Matt and Tito Jackson) relaying to Tony Schiavone via Jim Ross that there’s heat between Jake Perry and Jack Hagar and both Jays (Lethal and White), all stemming back to a backstage skirmish in which a bunch of these grown manchildren ha ..read more

Veteran wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer, universally respected by wrestlers and fans alike over his 70-year publishing career, has finally earned his rightful place in the vaunted WWE Hall of Fame. Meltzer, longtime publisher of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, which is considered the unofficial “bible” of pro wrestling, with a handy ranking system (out of five stars) to objectively determine which wrestling matches are best and worst. For his tireless journalistic work, Meltzler has earned three Pulitzers, the Nobel Prize in Literature, two gift certificates to Outback Steakhouse and a ma ..read more

Popular sports-entertainer and thespian Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, 51, clearly recently learned the F-word because he is using it at every opportunity. “F**k your story,” Johnson said recently on Instagram, which elicited such a positive response from his fans that he is now dropping F-bombs in every conversation. “F**k the f**king Cody crybabies,” Johnson said today. “F**k them to damn crapping shitting hell!” Johnson then made a nonsensical comment about an object inserted sideways into rectum, blew several farting noises with his mouth on his forearm, and then laughed himself to sleep ..read more

Debate continues to rage among wrestling fans worldwide over which incarnation of ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling) was superior: the original Philadelphia-based promotion that ran from 1992 to 2001, or the relaunched version that ran on WWE programming from 2006 to 2010. “Man, it’s too hard to pick one,” lamented one wrestling fan when asked to choose a favorite. “The original ECW was great, but the reboot had the Big Show, so I don’t know.” Wrestling fans en masse seem similarly split over the issue; a recent Kayfabe News web poll of 12,345 readers revealed fans are almost perfectly split ..read more

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