My PSW. I have met two but only one came back. The one I liked. She is a bit shy to talk to but is up and enthusiastic about helping me. She agreed to allow Joe to train her in the tasks that she needed to do and watched carefully everything Joe did. She learned when to step out of the room, when to help, and how to know when I'm panicked. We finished the training Thursday and all agreed that Friday she would take over the main job which requires both strength and touch. This has all been very tough for me and it's taken a lot of getting used to, but my PSW has allowed me to be frank and ..read more

 It's Canada Day and I'm conflicted. I have always been a proud Canadian, I have loved this land starting with the summer holidays I went on with my family as a youth, right up to the lectures I've given in every province, but one, and every territory, but one. Our countries beauty is hard to describe but brilliant to experience. But I have struggled with my love of Country, first as a youth who was discovering his sexuality, to the youth that fell in love with another boy. It was illegal then to be gay, in fact, the word 'gay' did not exist then. I learned that the famed tolerance of Can ..read more

 It's been an interesting couple of days here, what with the joys of aging and the perils of needing help. I was formally assessed a few days ago to determine if my disability was such that I could use a PSW to provide assistance. I had to answer a thousand questions and then wait while those questions were calculated and turned into hours, if any. As it turns out I qualified for one hour a day for seven days a week. I was assigned two PSW's who would be providing service to me, I considered myself lucky because I won't have a revolving door of people coming into my apartment. I decided t ..read more

 I am not afraid of going outside. But I have grown quite comfortable with my present status of being housebound. There is probably a better word for that, but that's the only one I know. I haven't been out for a couple of weeks and am not planning to go out this weekend, even with the lifting of some restrictions.  There are two reasons for me to continue my stint as being housebound..  The first is that the activities that would pull me out are still restricted. The gym, still closed. The mall, still closed. Me, still in. I'm just not interested enough in what's presently on o ..read more

 Pride. It took me a long time to get to pride. The walk through shame was long and perilous. I can't describe the feelings I had in marching in Toronto's first pride march, my heart raced like an engine that was powered by shame set ablaze by fear. When I remember that day, I remember those feelings, so much so that I have to force myself to remember that, fear or not, shame or not, I was there, I marched. Pride. I lectured for a couple of years before Joe ever came to hear me. I invited him to come to hear me speak to an agency serving youth in the city of Toronto where I had been invit ..read more

 So it's six days into Pride month. And I'm angry. I'm angry at the fact that, try as I might, I just can't seem to let go. I saw a post on social media this morning from a fellow proudly displaying the rainbow flag and loudly sounding off about his 'allyship' with the LGBTQ+ community. Nice, right? Appropriate sentiment, right? On our side, hoo rah!  But you see I knew him when. I knew him when he was comfortable with his heterosexual superiority. He proudly spouted about how two men couldn't actually love one another. He waxed poetic about being in love with his wife and told story ..read more

 I shaved my beard off today. For those of you who don't know, I grew a rather prodigious beard over the last several weeks. This was not a fashion choice. This was simply a result of laziness. I never really liked shaving and did so only because I needed to look tidy for work. But I'm retired now. But I'm living through a pandemic now. But I don't want to. So it grew fiercely. So it grew furiously. So it grew and made a home for errant cheerios. Food in the beard, an unexpected bonus, snacking available round the clock. Last night I decided that I would shave the beard off.  And the ..read more

 One of the best things about having a blog is the opportunity to keep a record, a diary, of your reaction to the world.  One of the words things about having a blog is the opportunity to keep a record, a diary, of your reaction to the world. As I have learned many times over the years, I have a lot to learn. I have been lucky to have readers who have held me accountable for something I've written or the way I expressed myself. I remember using the word 'schizophrenic' inappropriately, and after a long conversation, near argument, with a reader, I changed the text. Once done, I read ..read more

 I remember her. The first time I met her. She was sitting at the end of the bar. Messy drunk. Loudly drunk. And people all around her, mostly gay men, ignored her. It was as if her presence was just slightly less than tolerated. They all spoke of her disparagingly - using words that were meant to hurt. They called her, 'it'.  I was new to gay life, new to the idea of gay bars, new to the social mores of the community with which I now identified. Even so, common decency told me that this was wrong. I did the only thing that I thought I could do. I said 'Hello'. Friendly like. Small t ..read more

 I was doing a lecture yesterday broadcast out of Scotland when I noticed it. And once I'd seen it I simply couldn't look away. Let me preface this by saying that I'm not someone who spends a lot of time in front of a mirror, I don't actively avoid them but I'm not fixated by them either. I have a friend who can't walk by a mirror without stopping, even for a half step, to check himself out. I'm not that guy, I make fun of that guy. Even so, I do recognize myself in a mirror and have gotten a little more used to seeing myself around because I spent lots of time on zoom, and go to meetings ..read more