In case you didn't know, I took my time, gathered my guts, composed myself, structured my thoughts, and told you everything I felt you needed to know. I put it all out there, poured it all out for you. But even after that, nothing changed. In fact, as usual, you dismissed my feelings, making me feel like I was the little child you still think I am.  So here is a note to my younger self: it was never your fault. You were perfect just the way you were. The world was mean to you, you didn't deserve that. But know that you are blessed, because you are a fighter. You have a heart bigger than t ..read more

What does forgiveness look like? It can look like.. "I'm okay now. Let's be friends again." "I'm okay now. But let me take my time to just get back to 100% again." "I forgive you, but I will never forget the hurt you caused." "I forgive all of this, but I want to be alone until I am ready to deal with life again." "I feel better, but I will never feel whole again." "I'm okay now. We're okay. Let's start things over as better human beings." "I forgive you. I understand why you did that. Just never do that again." "I forgive you, but I still cannot understand why you did that." "I'm ok ..read more

I'm learning better to listen to my body. To listen to each of my own body parts. I try to detect when the nerves behind my back are starting to get tensed. I try to detect when my body just needs to rest. There's nothing to prove to anyone. We don't need to be "supermoms" or become super highly active people to show to the world that we are greater than others. When we need to rest, just rest. When experts say that we don't need to do workouts more than a certain number of hours per week, just listen. When we know that we need to sleep at least 6 hours a day, just do. Live mindfully. Live wit ..read more

They say, either you take it, leave it, or change it. But what if, you've tried all options and nothing just works. You take it, you live in pain. You leave it, you live in guilt. You (try to) change it, you live in frustration because nothing changes. What if, you just learn to let that pain live inside you, but you keep growing yourself, loving yourself, expanding yourself, adding new fun experiences inside yourself, so that day by day, that sadness becomes no longer significant. It's still there, but it's not as loud as before.  ..read more

2024 is the year I will turn 40. It's genuinely a disbelief for me that me.. me.. ME.. I..? I am turning 40? LOL. Just literally yesterday I went to pick up my daughter from school and when I went to the reception counter, she gave me a "student form" to fill in. I guess I still look the part for a high school student? :D But yes, 40. But age is just a number, really. Who cares. You do you. You feel you. You feel how you feel inside. You don't have to change yourself just because of a number. Stay hungry, stay foolish, stay curious, keep learning, embrace life with an open mindset because ther ..read more

  In any situation, be the kind one always. Being kind allows you to take control of life. Whatever comes your way, you will be able to stay calm and composed because you are as light as a feather, floating with grace. Say what you need to say. You deserve to be honest with your feelings. When people take you for granted, draw a line. You can still be kind, but you can set boundaries on how much (or how little) they deserve your time, attention and energy. Stop entertaining people who only come to you when it is convenient for them. Focus on what you do best with deep, genuine passi ..read more

I haven't shared much about Shahmeer lately. Not sure why. Probably because life with autism is hard, or very hard, that I just end up rarely talking about it. There are many times when I share about our struggles to another person but the response I get leaves me feeling worse so over time I end up thinking that "not talking about it" actually feels better. I get it. I get it that not many people get it. And so people often don't know what to say, or how to respond. But as a society, learning about things you don't understand is an act of love and kindness. You cannot always expect other peop ..read more

We're all just tiny specks in a massive universe, but tiny doesn't mean insignificant. We might be small but we can choose to be big ~ big in our actions, in our thoughts, in our hearts, in our bottomless desire to be the kind one amongst the ruth. Be the small star who shines the brightest. Never let anyone dim your light ..read more

Finally back in Indonesia. For the summer holiday. Today I took the Bluebird taxi home, the driver was old and friendly, asked a lot of questions about me which felt very sincere and genuine. So I told him about my life in Switzerland. He was so fascinated and curious about how life is on that other side, so I told him the many things I love about the country, about how different it is compared to Indonesia without trying to compare the two countries in a condescending way of course; just basic, realistic comparisons. At the end of our conversation, he said to me: "Miss, I'm so happy to hear ..read more

Just 3 months until 2022 is over?? I don't get it. I know we always say this but it truly feels like this year went by so so fast. This year has been so fulfilling but incredibly mentally challenging as well for me, it's not easy, it never has been. I was thinking the other day..where do I get my energy from? And I realized, most of the times, I get my energy from sadness. I channel my sadness into making something, perhaps that is why I like smileys so much? Because they make me happy or feel better? It's funny isn't it. Our hearts are so gentle, our minds are so fragile, we need to take care ..read more