The clownfish said "My name is Markus, but humans usualy call me Nemo". The crab said "My name is Philip, but humans usualy call me mister Krabs". The shark said "My name is Kevin, but humans always call me AAAAAAAH!". submitted by /u/Mask_of_creator [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

Bartender is having a quiet afternoon shift and then a duck walks in and jumps on the bar. Afternoon , "could I have a bourbon pleaase". The bartender is amazed that the duck can talk. Pours the drink and asks what the duck has been up to and what is your name Duck replies that he's Tom and he's had a great day and been in and out of puddles all day, Ten minutes later Another duck walks and jumps on the bar Afternoon , "could I have a beer pleaase". The bartender is now totally amazed, OMG two talking ducks in one. Pours the drink and asks what the duck has been up to and do you have a namme ..read more

I stopped for a coffee today and they were giving away a free newspaper with every purchase. I made sure to read the horoscope because I just knew it was going to say something nice about me. It was a complimentary edition.... submitted by /u/Ornery_Old_Man [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

… I assumed you offered a dental plan. submitted by /u/MrDagon007 [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

A husband asks her wife, "If I die, will you get another marriage?" The wife answered, "No, of course not! I'm going to go live with my sister. What about you, are you getting another marriage when I'm gone? " He replied, "No, same with you. I'm going to go live with your sister." submitted by /u/DavidNyan10 [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

He asks the receptionist if the doctor has any openings and she tells him that there has been a cancellation and that the doctor can work him into his schedule and gives him some forms to fill out. He does this and takes a seat in the waiting room with his shoebox. After a while he is brought to an exam room where the doctor soon joins him and asks how he can help him. The man then opens his shoebox and holds it out saying “This is my problem “. Inside the shoebox is the biggest turd the doctor had ever seen and he recoiled in horror and disgust saying “Oh dear God! That is disgusting! Why wo ..read more

One is a Harman Kardon, the other is a come on hard-on . submitted by /u/neduenedu [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

Roberto. submitted by /u/NickPickle05 [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

The more you play the harder it gets. submitted by /u/AeroApex [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

The other answers “yes, I think it’s from the wicker chairs.” submitted by /u/NYY15TM [visit reddit] [comments ..read more